As much as I wish it wasn’t the case. Don’t you just want everyone to think that you rock it? that you have things sorted. How many of you tell everyone your “fine” when you are not? Pick up the undies off the bathroom floor when someone comes over? Apologise for the mess (when the house is actually looking ten times cleaner than it usually does). Cry in the toilets at work and don’t tell anyone.
I have a desperate desire sometimes to write really uplifting posts, even when things may not be going so well at my end. To convince you all that I’m not wallowing in my own self pity. To show that I got this… because I have got it… mostly…somewhat… just about….
Which reminds me about a Brene Brown video I watched a few months back about vulnerability. And the importance of vulnerability being linked to courage…being brave. And then last week, I saw her follow up TED X talk “Listening to shame”. Where she talks about how terrible she felt after doing that original presentation, and admitting to the world (at the time she thought she was admitting it to 500 people in the room, not the 21 Million people who ended up watching the video on line)..that she had had a breakdown.
And yet, admitting that did not make me see her as weak. Not at all. Infact, it makes me think she is all the more amazing. And i don’t think other woman around me, who dare to show me the cracks in their fascade are any less awesome…infact, it makes me feel more comfortable.
Which is why this article “If you cry at your job you need to quit “ really got under my skin. The article goes on to tell women that if they dare to have an emotional breakdown at work, they may as well find a new job. ” Now you’re just labelled ’emotional’ and ‘another woman who can’t cope’. Yes I know it’s not fair, but it’s reality.”. Really?… Really!?!?! Of course, I don’t think anyone intentionally has an emotional breakdown in front of other people..and sure, at work you want to retain as much professionalism as possible. But sometimes crap happens. We are all human and sometimes we break.
You should not have to pretend to be something you are not, to hide behind a wall. If we were all more open and honest about where we are at (instead of hiding in the toilets and mopping up our tears with makeup)…then we would realise that not being perfect doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger.
Part of the reason I started this blog, and began writing about my struggles with “having it all”, was to break down the walls and let you peak inside. And…for the record…sometimes that is still really hard…because I don’t want to be the one naked when everyone has clothes on.
But for the most part, when I share something with you, when I let it loose into the hemisphere. Nothing bad actually happens. And sometimes, just one person will come back and say “me too”. And that makes me feel … connected…normal.
As Brene Brown says, empathy is the antidote for shame… so the more we are all showing up as our authentic selves…warts and all… the more comfortable it becomes. The more we realise we are all the same, our struggles might be different but everyone struggles sometimes.
Just remember that when you next look at someone who you think has got it all sorted…well…maybe you should ask them if they left their underpants in the middle of their bathroom this morning too?
P.S If you enjoy my random musings, don’t forget to join my tribe on the wordpress site. Simply press the “follow” button, I would love to have you on board my little blogging train…maybe exposing myself to be the not so perfect but perfectly awesome person that I am?!