It’s been a while since I have written in this blog. I was so proud of myself for upholding my weekly manifesto, for over two years with only a few delays.
Yet…here I am… with months going passed and only a few words published.
I like to blame work. Of course it is their fault. I’m back working full time and there just are not enough hours in the day.
Which is semi-true. Sure. I feel like I have less hours. But there are also plenty of days when I have the whole evening free but I decide to lounge in front of the TV instead of getting out my writing. Or the weekends that pass by with plenty of free moments, but I choose to cram them with chores or a sneaky read of my book. My brain is so fried I don’t have anything left to give.
But I know there is more to it than time…because I know that I’ve stopped writing because I’ve started to overthink it.
I have started to worry that I have nothing more of value to say. That I’m not funny any more (because seriously, I was being SOOOOO hilarious before, my writing was amazeballs). I feel like I have nothing new to share, there are no more stories to tell. That you…the reader…are getting bored with me and my rantings. I am scared what the people from my work will think. Whether this will change their opinion of me.
I have…infact…written a few blog posts over the last months but none of them have made it out the starting gate.
Is this perfectionism creeping back into my world? Hell…I know I’m not perfect… but that desire to wait until the flash of inspiration and the thunderbolt of amazing words come tumbling easily onto the page… is stopping me getting even a single word onto the page.
I have to remind myself that I started writing this blog, just as a practice for myself. And I know, deep down inside…somewhere real deep… that I just have to get back on the horse. I have listened to so many writers who say that sometimes it is a real struggle for them to write, even though they love it, they have to force themselves to do it.
I have to get back to writing each week as a discipline, regardless if I “feel like it” or not. And some weeks, it might not be great, there might be some crappy stories or average words. But amongst all of that maybe…just maybe…one person will read my musings and think “yeah, I feel like that sometimes too”. And if I can make that one person feel better about themselves because they know that there are other crazy random fools just like them out in the world… then that day will be a great day.
So…peeps…it is time to get back on the horse. If, for no other reason than to practice my writing. And get random things off my chest. And if it is not great…well…I’m sorry in advance… but hopefully it’ll inspire you anyway, to get back doing something that you love…even if you feel like sometimes you are pretty average at it.